Thursday, March 28, 2013

I may have just passed death by this time, and left to the cold unknown world, but I still lived my life so no one knew what had happed to me, I hide it will. I hide what had happen; I hide everything about that day for a lone time. I went right to work the next day for the Alpine school Dict.  as a bus aid for the special needs. Then I went to my college classes at U.V.S.C  right after work then went back on the bus for the after school rout. When I was done I walked for about two hours to get back to where I had put my stuff, as well as walk to fine some place to stay or sleep. Depending on the day it was close to the bus place or near the school. I lived my life as I did before I just slept where I could, behind signs, building or even found a way to stay with one my friends that he didn’t knew. I never showed my true feeling about that day to anyone, I didn’t what their pity, or them feeling sorry for me.( and I don’t want it know!) I never held a sign said “Homeless” or asking for money or help from others, I was not helpless. I was hopeless and homeless, but if you were not the 6 closest people to me you didn’t ever know and 92% of the time those 6 people never did either. To me, my being homeless was as if I had a black eye I did everything in my power to hide it from the world. I slept behind sighs in areas that I knew, no one I knew would be around, and hens all the walking I did. Over time I got a jacket and blankets and even stayed at a friend’s house more often but to this day that friend still doesn’t know everything. After a while I got a car  and then slept in my car. I was homeless from Fed. 2004 to May 2005.

Friday, January 18, 2013

As I looked away, I saw him coming at me in the corner of my eye. My heart starting to race, I tried to block him from hitting me. My left arm went up trying to shield my face, my right arm shielding my body, my knee coming up as he got to me. Looking under my left arm I sew his hands coming, slipping through my arms and grabbing my nick. His stomach and lower body stopped me from moving. As his hands squeezed tight I was having a hard time breathing, trying to free his hands from my nick by pulling away his hands and his fingers, but he was too strong. Trying to talk, his fingers and hands squeezed tighter and tighter. I felt his dry, broken calluses cutting in to my skin. His big fingers were coming closer and closer together as he squeeze. No longer able to breathe my arms grew heavy, and fell to my sides. Taking my last gasp of my last breath I looked at his face full of rag, and in to his eyes, bloodshot like fire,and his pupils black and full of darkness. I saw my eyes close and my life end..................

Coming to, I breathed deeply, bringing my heavy arm up to shield my blurry eyes from the bright light coming through the crack in the door from it bring left open. Stumbling to my feet I walked outside, unsure of what was going on, for I don't know how long I was passed out. How long was it from when I closed my eyes, or even how I was a live, and how he was not there? He was outside fighting with other people who were inside the house. I thought to myself, "this is enough!" I went inside, got my backpack with my school stuff, and a small garbage bag stuff. Someone in the house was giving me a list of people to call when I needed something. I walked out the door, the fight still going, I just left. When telling them that I was leaving, someone was yelling my name, I just started running.

It was February 2004, being only 18 years old, on my own,  going into the unknown, and being scared. Taking each step with tiers in my eyes not knowing what lay ahead of me, I knew I would be ok, because what I just left was more scary. This is how I went from hopelessness to homelessness, living in the shadows to hiding in the darkness. There is never really a choice to be homeless, it is just how some people's life's wind up. For me it, was the only way out.